The Present

(This post will remain purely textual. I will not bore you with the same rehashed "photo of the marquee," "shot of the big screen," "Mattson 2 with Ray Barbee," etc. If you've ever been to an art show, film premier, you get it...and my shitty photography isn't gonna help.)

I just saw The Present at the Lido with Where Eagles Dare. Douche couldn't make it because he has diarrhea. Yes. Seriously. Diarrhea.

Anyways, we bought our tickets (to the 7pm show) and parked ourselves in the back of the line. It was long enough (That's what she said), but definitely not sell out long. I went over to Ralph's and bought a Tcat tall boy. As I got back in line, the snaking queue began its way under the marquee and into The Lido. We were almost inside when some d-bag rear-ended a BMW in front of a crowd of 200 surf hipsters and took off. Amazing.

We go inside, pass by Dan Malloy (Almost threw him a shastika, but refrained, tastefully) and seated ourselves while the Mattson 2 and Ray Barbee played. Yeah, they wail. Fool was slashing in a cast. Mental, I know.

Does any one else have any friends in a band? Are they the only band worthy of the hip surf crowd? Well, I guess the Jap Motors coulda' played. Oh, well.

Dan gave us a little spiel about the film, what 16mm is, how fun it is to make a movie, how hard Thomas has worked over the past 4 years, yadda yadda yadda (had to work in a Seinfeld reference somewhere).

I discovered that Dan talks kinda like Kermit the Frog. Where Eagles Dare concurred.

The film begins. I wait for a quiet pause to crack my tall boy. Psssshhhhttttttttt. Ahhhhh, perfect timing. Refreshment.

The Present is the feel good surf film of the year. Love your bros. Experiment with your equipment. Travel. Take cool photos. RIDE A FUCKING ALAIA.

Yes, surfing Waimea and Sunset on an alaia is gnarly. No, I don't really care to watch it. Only need to see that once, thanks. Not really gonna amp me up to surf, watching people getting stuffed on a plank. (In all seriousness, it was pretty cool to see them make some drops behind dudes on actual guns, and to get actual waves and tubes) Watching the front half of the board spring up and down to eventually pearl...mehhhhhhh, not so much.

The Indo part was radical. Dan absolutely rips the bag outta that place and educates us on the importance of saving the earth. This was probably the second time I have ever enjoyed watching a girl surf (the other exceptions being Bindy Baggs and Kassia Meador.), the girls certainly can tube ride.

Joel's history lesson was pretty cool. He mentioned Christian Fletcher, I dug that. Wished there was some more of him surfing, I guess that's what Seedling is for. He had a Jack Daniel's shirt on, I found that interesting.

Africa was cool, I hate dancing, maybe not show so much of that next time, I got the point. More waves. Michel Junod really does rip, I think Jesus was helping him, maybe. T. Campbell appeased the Al Knost hating crowd by showing him in some larger surf or a shorter board, take that.

Basically, if you've seen Seedling and Sprout, your in for the same trip, but with bigger waves. (I mean that in a positive way, two shastikas up). Man, I need to travel more....and get an alaia.

Holy fuck! I almost forgot. The scene with the coffin! Epic!

Keep your eyes peeled for Svrfandestroy's future film, "It's a Long Way Back from Hell." It's gonna be a big downer, I heard Danzig is gonna open.